Sunday, February 1, 2015
The Beginning, the End
Throughout the continent of Cicrynthia, petty dukes and barbarian clans squabble over the bones of ancient kingdoms while brigands plague the cities along valuable Spice Roads. Ancient citadels, holy monasteries, and revered ports - once glorious in the face of the New Gods - molder from richly sloth and worldly decadence. Meanwhile the god-empress of the Cheq-tan Empire stirs in her millennial slumber as her general-poets ride to her, to raise the banners of conquest for when she awakens.
In the far east, there is a legend spreading among the peoples of a powerful evil stirring. A kraken, foretold in the Age of Legends, that is destined to swallow the world.
Father Halo, a priest of Yed, is commanded to travel to find the lost city of Hannon in the far east. His compatriots - Jack Spearhand and Espectro - travel with him. They are cursed to bear witness of their people's demise from a god they do not know.
The Age of Man is passing, and its death will not go well.
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Who commanded Father Halo? I tend to avoid passive tense for this reason when possible.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I suck a lot at keeping tenses straight. I will correct in the next day or so. Feel free to let me know if there are typos, although don't feel like you need to do that if you don't want. I'll keep revising....
DeleteDamn it....wrote a very long response, it got deleted when I tried to log in. I'll post again later.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of tenses... you start in the ever-present tense and switch to past tense in later journal entries. I tend to think past tense is good, especially since this story is set in years of eld.
ReplyDeleteEspectro?! Espectro!? Fucking low land prophets! What am I, some kind of fucking ghost?! No, I am Espec Rho, first son and chief pasquitamik of the Master of the Northern Spice Trading Company. You think to travel this land, yet you cannot even speak my name correctly? Bah, Who owns these horses, eh? I do! Who owns all these bolts of silk and bundles of fur? Who is it that speaks five different trade tongues and has friends from the port cities of Jerokeen to the far court of Cheq-tan itself?
ReplyDeleteIt is I, Espec Rho, that is who! I provide the money to hire mercenaries like your one armed gorilla over there! Better have a care not to pick your nose, eh Spearhand? I am the one who buys food and water for the pack bearers, I am the one who provides bread and sacred wine for us. So I say to you, old man who has a dusty old map to a make believe city and not much else, get my name right.
I am Espec Rho and I am a proud man.
Interesting stuff, Tom. Might be a lot of "Flarg, High Chuckran of the Forests of Gleebop" type stuff for one three paragraph chunk, however. It seems wise to bring in the weird stuff like that in slowly, so your readers aren't overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteThanks Big, I'm probably going to re-work the outline of the world and then take another stab at it.
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